"Suck Me Whore" - A cautionary tale

This phrase was written on a dollar bill I was handed at the drive thru. Now if I had not seen what transpired beforehand I would be VERY upset.

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This weekend the college kids moved in. Yeay college kids *eyeroll* which means for the next two weeks my town will be hard as hell to drive around in because no one knows where they are going and the influx of about 28% of the city’s population are impatient late teens to twenty somethings…

Fun with a capitol Ffffffffff…

It’s late, I only have the car from midnight to about 8am tomorrow so I decide to do late night shopping and then hit the Drive Thru. The parking lot is full of construction trucks and vehicles from the overnight road work and there are people milling about and going in and out of the building with their orders during their break.

A pare of dudes in an out of state car are ahead of me at the Midnight Drive Thru window. They’ve been there since I pulled in. Now usually this window is good with its fast service even this late at night but tonight they were slow. The guy at the window had to ask my order twice.

When I pulled up behind OutofState they were rocking the car and /screaming/ at the closed window. I had my radio off when I spoke at the speaker so I could still hear them. They were yelling the most HIDEOUS things at the poor guy working the window. No one else was saying a thing and all the adults around were looking away.

Then I see the window open and the guy leans out - petite, blond, maybe 19 if he stands on his toes and hides the shake in his voice - and apologizes for the wait the computer is rebooting.

They shout at him, I move to turn the radio back on, I watch the car infront of me shake as the driver roars in rage.

Then I hear it…

"Dude… Dude you got a pen?!?" from the passenger side. The light comes on, they bow their heads and look for a pen.

When Petite Blond comes back to take their money they hand it to him with the light still on - all big Shark grins and waiting for him to see what they wrote on the money.

Petite Blond doesn’t flinch. He takes the money, closes the window, and is back a moment later with their drinks and order.

OutofState takes a minute to look thru the bag like everything is tainted then demands where the straws are even though Petite Blond already handed them over.

So PB gets them new straws and they throw the wrappers back at the window before it closes and try to roar out of the parking lot like badasses.

I pull up and park and wait paticently, flicking VPR back on to listen to the BBC world news because their voices are soothing.

PB opens the window with my drink “Sorry for the wait miss.” he says and it is the first time in years I have been called miss.

His eyes are wet…his face is flushed and his freckles (he looks like Chuck from motorcity I kid you not) are fading into the red. I give him exact change and he hands me back a ten and two ones…

As he goes to get my food I look at the money before putting it in my pocket

There it is…

PB comes back with my food and he flubs again with an apology for the wait and please make sure I got everything right and I am sorry…

"It’s ok." I assure him. "Nice little love note right?" I hold up the dollar. He flinches then reaches out to take it.

"Ah… I …. i..if I had known that was on there I wouldn’t have given it to you, Miss. I am so sorry!"

I keep it out of reach.

"Don’t worry about it." I say with a smile and put it in my pocket. "I’ll take it off your hands and who knows maybe Karma will be on the prowl for those two OutofStaters who were rude as hell.

He smile then tamped it down, wiped an eye with his hand and said have a good night.

"You have a sweet morning, honey." I told him and drove off.

Here’s where the good stuff is…OutofState hasn’t left the road yet, stuck waiting for a flagger at the construction part. See the great thing about new college kids is they depend on their GPS. They don’t know the back ways I do. So I take a back way around thru shipping docks and back access roads to hit a spot where the light dictates movement and I wait…

It turns JUST in time for me to slip ahead in the one lane ahead of OutofState. And you know it IS night and it IS a construction zone so I drive slow…

I mean S L o w…

I ignore the beeping and the shouting behind me up until we hit the interstate access road and they go ROARING past my car soon as the road is wide enough, Co-Pilot leaning out the window with the double dukes.

Right into the wall of cones set out to keep the lanes divided…then swerves back into the main lane still doing 60something and trailing a cone…

RIGHT past a cop…Queue the Blues and one of our boys in uniform waving me past with a tip of his hat as he goes to talk to OutofState…

I don’t care that they forgot my straw or that my fries are kinda cold…but it’s ok

They ordered up a Super Sized bag of Karma…

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…

Cpt P…stage right